I’m a pretty big deal.

There are certain moments in the life of a knitter that require sharing. Today, I blocked my heliotaxis shawl. Now, I usually like to be funny on this blog, but I’ll be frank. I’m here to brag.

The shawl was knit in Madelinetosh lace weight yarn and took about 1100 yards. I’m not sure how many months the project took, although it includes significant periods where it was “ripening” in my bag without any attention from me. Perseverance with lace is key.

The shawl was “finished” some time ago. It only lacked blocking. After weeks of procrastinating,  inspiration struck. A three day weekend and a bit of determination along with a hefty  guilt trip from my friend Martha finally brought about the right conditions. I announced to the world yesterday via Facebook that I would be unavailable. I decided I would sequester myself until blocking was complete.

I set out sheets, pins, rulers and spray bottle. I threw the silken web into a pot of water to soak and watched an episode of South Park to reward myself for starting. After a bit of caffeine, I was ready to begin in earnest.

The process was arduous. The first four pins were placed meticulously, measuring to the center then to each other to ensure a perfect circle was being created.

I then repeated the process with the points at the middle of my newly created diamond.

Next I pinned out each of the remaining pinnacles.

Finally, I did what attracted me to this pattern in the first place: the scallops within the scallops.

The final result is quite stunning and I’m quite willing to let you know that I made it. I’ve pulled two housemates and one of their friends into my room to see it in all its glory. Once it dries, I’ll be carrying it with me and showing it to anyone willing to look. I’ve texted pictures to virtually anyone I think might care and a few who might not.

One of those people was my father. His response was perhaps better than the joy of seeing this shawl finished. In response to my picture, he said “The things you are able to make are absolutely incredible. You are amazing.”

Thanks Dad. I love you!

 

They Won’t Knit

Although it is difficult to comprehend, there are apparently some unfortunate souls who choose not to knit. Try as I might, I have not been able to wrap my head around this concept. Surely those who do not knit suffer from a grave emotional or mental disorder but medical science has not yet validated this hypothesis. However, it is my constant goal to assist all sentient beings.  If you find yourself unwilling or unable to knit, I hope the following suggested alternative lifestyles might assist you in making it from day to day.

I need to first qualify that, when realizing that life did not intend for them to have the great joys brought by fibery things, many turn to a life of drugs and alcohol. Avoid this temptation. There are healthy alternatives to knitting. You just have to look a little harder than most to find happiness. Drugs will just cover up your misery at being unable to knit. Find a real solution- some of which are listed below.

First, you might consider life in a monastery. The almighty has a plan for all of us, and if His plan for you did not include knitting, don’t spend your life in bitterness and self pity. It is possible to live a complete and fulfilling life without yarn. Of course, I can’t imagine it, but I’m sure those guys in orange robes probably have some idea. Most of them don’t even drink, for Pete’s sake. They must have some secret to happiness.

If the monastic life doesn’t suffice, consider an asylum. It is understandable that a life lived without yarn would lead a person to desperation. The employees at many mental institutions have been trained to help you find purpose without yarn. I’m told the success rates are somewhat low, but it’s worth a shot. These consummate professionals have the knowledge to help you see life’s possibilities. They are also qualified to administer some pretty fabulous drugs when you are freaking out from a life made completely meaningless from lack of yarn.

If the previous two options still leave you unhappy in your life without knitting, consider euthanasia. While assisted killings are still frowned upon in many countries, I must believe in the goodness of humanity. Surely, upon hearing your explanation that you don’t want to knit, your doctor will be filled with sympathy. Remind him of the Hippocratic Oath. By letting you live without knitting, he is causing you tremendous harm. I can only imagine the immense pain caused by a fiber free life. Have no guilt if you are unable to find happiness without yarn. God will understand.

I’ve done my best to think of other ways to live without yarn, but the above seem to be the only feasible options. If you are not a knitter, I offer you my humblest sympathy. May you travel your path well. May you find happiness. May you find purpose. And may your curse never be thrust upon me.

 

Taxonomy Of Knitters

Knitters are an important genus within the hominidae family. Although much work has been done to describe the various species within the genus, some work remains to do. Here I hope to describe a few of the more common species’ characteristics and introduce the uninitiated to some of the lesser known varieties.

Knitter Natura- This is the knitter who takes to knitting as easily as a child takes its first breath. Others are often astonished at how quickly Natura comes to understand not only the basic knit but the more interesting stitches as well. Natura’s first project is rarely the simple scarf. It only takes a little time for the new born Natura to begin making socks, shawls and sweaters. Most knitters hate Natura.

Knitter Snobista- The local yarn store is the exclusive home of the Snobista. Snobista, Snob in the vernacular, simply will not knit with acrylic yarn. While Snobs have varying degrees of the trait, many will go so far as refusing to knit a wool yarn unless the breed is listed.  They can be reclusive, shunning others who might purchase their yarn at big box stores and should never be mixed with their hated enemy- Genus Crochet.

Knitter Obsessiva- Obsessiva is a source of consternation to their homosapien partners. The Obsessiva is always knitting. Always. Knitting is often preferred to the company of others and even mating.
They are sometimes called “Walking Knitters”. Evolution has developed a unique capacity for these Walkers to tuck their yarn under their arm, thereby allowing constant production of knitted goods. No obstacle is too great to prevent the Obsessiva from knitting. Some have even developed blind knitting to allow them to knit under desks and in dark movie theaters.

Knitter Manipulata- This knitter has found a unique niche to allow their survival. As its name suggests, Manipulata has discovered that fiber can be an incredible tool for manipulating others. Gifts of socks, hats and so on are often offered as favors in return for services. The more advanced of the species may even give the gift just before requesting that some awful task be completed.
A unique case of a Manipulata was seen in its infancy. The new born actually pretended to not understand how to wrap the yarn around the needle to get his crush to grab his hands in order to instruct him. His crush did not mind, by the way.

Knitter Productura- Masses of finished goods are the signature of Productura. Others are often astonished at the sheer volume of items created by Productura. These knitters are often seen to knit quite quickly, regardless of method used. Surprisingly, continental is rarely observed here. Productura tends to favor the simpler method of picking up the working yarn for each stitch. Because of the large volumes of yarn consumed, cheaper acrylics are favored.

Knitter Arboreti- Arboreti is a rare breed indeed. This species will rarely purchase yarn. Instead, they purchase hay. This is then processed through any number of fiber producing animals which are then shorn. The resulting fiber is then processed by Arboreti, spun into usable yarn, dyed and then finally knit. Love of labor and process is the key trait here.

Knitter Hippi- The Hippi (pronounced Hippie by most) is something like the urban version of Arboreti. Instead of raising their fiber from hay, they will find old sweaters at thrift shops and go through the sometimes painful process of frogging them in order to make “new” things. Knitter Hippi is driven by the strange notion that they can save the planet by making a few hats from old worn sweaters. To date, they have only succeeded in making hats that look just like old worn sweaters.

It should be noted that cross breeding between the species is common if not rampant. Most knitters will share traits of many species, including those not listed here. Many will show traits of one species but surprise the observer by evolving into something entirely different.

Although this list is by no means comprehensive, it should provide a starting point for classifying knitters as you come across them. In the interest of advancing the collective knowledge, all are encouraged to provide additional species that they may have observed in the comments below.

Ripening Yarn

Yarn is like a fine wine. While it can be used immediately upon production, the best yarn goes through a process known as ripening.

While I am somewhat shocked that there is not more literature devoted to the topic, it really should come as no surprise. Most knitters seem to instinctively age their yarn, with no prompting from the masters.  However, it is always my mission to serve and educate, so I hope these words will help enlighten the few who do not currently age their yarn and may be missing out on the benefits.

The first thing to know is this: the process is not something that can be performed by the manufacturer. Ripening must occur at home, although not necessarily by the person who will knit it.

Upon purchase, the knitter may be tempted to cast on as soon as the yarn is home, or even before the yarn has left the shop! Avoid the temptation. An improperly aged yarn will still provide some enjoyment, but much of the experience is lost.

Instead, put the yarn in your knitting bag. Avoid having the yarn balled if at all possible. A balled yarn cannot breathe like it needs to and many of the ripening rituals will be impossible to perform.

Different techniques exist at this point, but my method generally begins with leaving the yarn in my knitting bag for a few days, especially over a weekend if possible. This allows the purchase to be shown to many people who can bless the yarn with their adoration. They should be encouraged to pet, caress and even dive in to the skein. The process loosens the fibers slightly, giving the yarn a better drape once it is finally ready to be knit.

After the yarn has received sufficient exposure to the outside world, it is ready to come home but should not be placed in the stash yet. First, open the skein up. Wrap it around your neck a couple of times and wear it as a cowl for a bit. Be sure to rub it against your cheek and give it a loving caress or two. Adore your face surrounded in fibery goodness in the mirror. This may or may not actually improve the yarn, but it’s a whole lot of fun.

Re-skein the yarn and place it in an open place in your home. The location should be clean, bright and well traveled. The dining room table is good provided there is no active eating going on. Over the next few days, give the yarn an occasional pet while looking lovingly upon it. I even like to thrust my nose into it and give it a good sniff now and then. Finally, your yarn is ready to be stashed.

Like wine cellars, stashes vary widely, but I do believe that there is a true and proper way to construct a stash. First, I will address the environment.

Children and pets that have a penchant for yarn should be eliminated. While I understand that some people are attached to their kids, do your best to let the yarn take priority. A fine yarn really is worth the sacrifice.

Moisture is also to be avoided. The kitchen or bathroom are not ideal for stashing, although the yarn may make a foray or two into these areas if you need some company for, say, your morning cup of coffee. Yarn responds to appreciation and exposure to its people. Give it lots of love.

Lighting is always a matter of controversy. There are those who say that a dimly lit area is best to protect the colors, but I am a firm believer that yarn is meant to be appreciated in all of its forms- including color. That means a brightly lit area. Spotlights that provide dramatic lighting directly above the stash are splendid, but a room with a large window will do.

To allow the yarn to rest, I am a fan of the wire rack modular shelving available at most department stores. Although they do have a “cheap” look, they make the yarn visible from nearly all  angles.  A mirrored curio cabinet is also appropriate, but it lacks the infinite expandability of modular shelving. Whichever option you choose, viewing the yarn helps it feel appreciated and (hopefully) makes it more cooperative once it comes time to turn it into its final form.

I like to leave the yarn in the stash for at least a few months. At minimum, a few weeks is necessary to really allow the yarn to be properly appreciated before knitting.A few years may be excessive as dust may begin to collect. If the yarn will sit for extended periods, take it out and give it a little activity to keep it loose and shake out the dust.

Under no circumstances should the yarn be stored in a dark closet. A forgotten yarn is a sad yarn. You will find that it can become resentful and will reward your neglect with unmanageable tangles. I’ve even heard of yarn, in a fit of rage, releasing eight legged skeletons on its owner in a plain display of spite.

Although the effort may be substantial, a well aged yarn is a thing of beauty. Follow this simple guide and you will be pleased.

Procrastionation

It’s amazing how much I can get done when there is something I don’t want to do. Last weekend, I finished knitting my heliotaxis pi shawl. The logical conclusion, then, would be that I would have blocked it this weekend, particularly since my sweetheart was away in Greeley for his nephew’s first birthday. This is, of course, not what happened.

Begging to be blocked, but today was not the day.

Instead, I started spinning.

Me spinning at Knitting Man, Boulder’s Gay Men’s Knitting Group

My friend Martha, her husband Jake, Lucas (my sweetheart) and I were down in Denver at Fancy Tiger down in Denver a good while back. Martha was in love with some hand dyed roving she came across but wasn’t quite comfortable enough to turn it into yarn just yet. (I will note that she is filled with talent and I bet she could have made it happen.)

The roving was Polwarth, a breed I had not yet had the pleasure of spinning. I volunteered to spin the fiber if she bought it. She would get her yarn and I would get the experience of a new fiber.

As I am wont to do, I allowed the fiber to ripen on my shelf until it found its way into my cue. Yesterday, I found the conditions for making her yarn to be perfect.  It was the excuse I needed to not block my shawl.

So, I ripped the roving in half lengthwise and made my first singles.

The spinning started at Knitting Man- the Gay Men’s Knitting Group I started here in Boulder. After that I swung by a queer health fair where I knit and talked with a few fabulous lesbians. Then I decided to make my way to Pearl Street- wheel in tow.

I sat down on the bricks for some public spinning and had some great conversations with people who were just fascinated by the magic of the spinning wheel. I can’t tell you how much I love sharing this thing with other people!

At some point, a young man walked up and said “I make those wheels!” This is Boulder, home of Schacht, so it was no surprise to come across one of the craftsmen who manufactured this fine tuned bit of engineering that gives me so much joy.

Finally, my man returned home from watching his nephew plaster himself in cake. By this point, my first bobbin was finished and I was ready to begin the second. I took my second half of roving and ripped it into 4 parts lengthwise. Doing this gives one ply a color repeat that is 4 times more frequent that the other ply.

I spun with intensity. The second ply was finished by bedtime. If you’re a spinner, you know how important that is since you are supposed to let the singles rest overnight before plying. (I will confess that I don’t always follow that rule, but I do my best.)

Sunday morning was bright and sunny- for a bit. It was cheery enough to encourage me to get my yarn done, and I did. I fed the two plys through the wheel in no time and produced a pretty fun little yarn, if I do say so myself. I’m pretty sure Martha loved it. In fact, I think she’s still walking the streets of Boulder showing it to anyone who will give her a second glance. Ultimately, the yarn came out to 4.2 oz and 430 yards- perfect for a shawl. I can’t wait to see what she does with it!

Perhaps I’ll write a blog about her process as she turns my strands of wool into something truly beautiful. At the very least, it will give me something to do besides blocking my shawl.

Inertia

There are projects that require a certain level of focus above and beyond “normal” knitting. Beginning those projects is always easy. The excitement of choosing the intricate pattern and finding the perfect yarn carry over in to the first stitch. The project always moves along quickly for a while, but then, life tends to creep in.
That’s what happened to me last year with my heliotaxis pi shawl. I finally settled on some gorgeous Madelinetosh from Gypsy Wools. (You can find her on Facebook.) It’s 100% silk and the hand dyed green is simply amazing.
I cast on with excitement, chewing through round after round of fairly simple but interesting charts.
Then Christmas happened. I work for FedEx and you might imagine I get fairly busy around that time of year. Working 6 days a week 12 hours a day just doesn’t leave a lot of room for reading charts and counting stitches.
So, the lace lay dormant.
I finally picked it back up in March. Getting started again after so long is a Herculean task, but I managed. I suppose the knitting gods were kind to me and finally sent a bit of a nudge to get started. Either that or I was finally guilted by this pathetic green blob I’d been carrying around in my bag for 4 months. Either way, the heliotaxis is back in process!
It doesn’t look like anything more than a hole filled bag right now, but I know lace. It will be a thing of beauty once I stretch it to hell and fill it with pins. Just 2 1/2 more charts and it’s done!

Dragonflys

This weekend I had the great fortune to take a class with Stephen West and his friend Ragga. They were fantastic!!! The class was called RagaWest Idea Tank.

I was at the Fancy Tiger in Denver a while back and they told me about the class coming up. I signed up immediately. The last one sold out before I even heard of it so I wanted to make sure I got a seat.

My dear friend Martha and I has just spent a week of vacation participating in various fibery things- one of which was to visit the Loopy Ewe in Ft Collins. While there, I found some amazing fiber from Dragonfly.

I started to spin the fiber and, as tends to happen as I’m sitting at my wheel hour after hour, an idea emerged. Why not design a dragonfly shawl?  So, I balled my yarn and headed down to Denver to learn how to create my dream.

Much of the class focused on how to find inspiration. It was really fascinating to see how Stephen and Ragga’s process went. Their techniques are going to be wildly useful as I begin to design and publish a few of my own patterns. I can’t wait!!!

Now, our brilliant professors kept talking about a surprise twist that they were going to throw at us. Toward the end of the three hour journey into creation, they finally told us what they were going to do. They instructed each of us to take the design work that we had so carefully been slaving over and pass it to the person on our left.

I couldn’t have been luckier. The woman to my left had been knitting about 20 years longer that I’d been alive. She was, in her words, “a master technician and knitting guru” or something to that effect. It wasn’t that she lacked humility. She just knew that she was that good. She took a look at some of my sketches and put the finishing touches on them. She made some of the compromises that I’d been nervous to do and added a couple of details that I had imagined but could not quite manage with my current knowledge. Here’s the final result.

I’ll have to make some final decisions on what stitch I’ll use where, but the general shape and pattern is there. I think the final product will be quite stunning. It will take some time. I’ve got a strange knitters ethic that only allows me to have two projects on the needles at the same time, and I currently have three. Four would be completely unacceptable, so it will be a bit before I’m able to start the dragonfly, but once I do, I think it will be amazing!!! Wish me luck.